The Stag Hen

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Sep 08th
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Scripps Pillow Fight Spirals out of Control: Hundreds Dead

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Today Claremont students stand united in mourning for the hundreds of lives lost in yesterday's tragic incident. Indeed, what began as harmless horseplay may go down in Claremont history as the most horrific series of events ever to transpire on these hallowed grounds.

While it is true that much is still unknown about what exactly occurred, this much is certain: at approximately 11 AM yesterday, two Scripps students – wearing nothing but their undergarments – began to playfully bat at each other with down pillows. An hour later, the entire dorm was in an uproar. By 2:00 PM, twenty lay dead, some by blunt trauma but most by feather inhalation. Despite attempts by Camp Sec to control the violence, chaos spread to nearby Pitzer; to Harvey Mudd; to CMC and Pomona.

Students across Claremont have today expressed shock, confusion, and sorrow for the slain. As one student, interviewed by the StagHen mused, "When I heard what was happening, I didn't know if I should be aroused or scared. In the end, two of my friends were dead. I just don't get it… how could something so sexy go so wrong?" His words, born of the shock of this tragedy, speak for us all.
Last Updated ( Sunday, 10 May 2009 04:36 )  

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