Liam "Cheeba" Clarkson, Pitzer '11 smoking superstar, has been a role model since his gold medal performances at the '07 Cannabis Cup. In an unforgettable, record breaking performance, Clarkson won several solo events –the quarter ounce pounce, the bluntathlon, the brownie bake off– and helped the U.S. team win the four man hot box. His demonstrations of speed, endurance, versatility, and leadership brought him endorsements from Zig Zag, Volcano, & several others. With his talent, messy long hair, and perpetual indifference, Clarkson personified the perfect smoker. Last semester, however, at a wild underground festival known in the smoking community as "Dry Week," Clarkson made a celebrity appearance at the Pitzer pool. Instead of lying by the pool, laughing at cloud shapes, Clarkson was candidly photographed swimming laps in the pool. An anonymous source claimed that "Clarkson clearly had swum before; his stroke was so smooth and powerful. He had even prepared a towel for exiting the pool. Yeah, he knew exactly how it worked." This startling accusation has called Clarkson's reputation into question. Some have even begun to wonder about the validity of Clarkson's 10,000 calorie daily munchy intake.
Apparently, it does not end there. Some sources claim Clarkson was seen on a treadmill the next day. Clarkson once described his life, saying: "All I do is blaze, eat, toke; eat, spark, munch; burn, eat, sleep, and repeat."
Clarkson's homies are worried that this fiasco might cost Clarkson some endorsements. When reached for comment, after several attempts, Clarkson repeatedly muttered "I'm so fucking high right now."
Pot pundits are hopeful that this debacle will not seriously tarnish the reputation of the international smoking community. "Leaf lovers haven't been this embarrassed since '78, when Bob Marley was accused of not inhaling." Clarkson, two time High Times' Man of the Year, needs to get his head back into the clouds, where it belongs.