Staghen….What in world do I know about chickens?

As I was riding around in my limo the other day (yes I have one) I was thinking about that word…”Staghen”

I mean…really?

Who came up with such a name?  A Stag?  A hen?

Was it a farmer?

Oh wait…I just got it.  It’s what we call bachelor or bachelorette?  Or maybe it’s just Party Party Party!

A Stag — Male Deer?  No..that woud be a Buck…   what about a Buckchick weekend?  (Nah..that’s too close to buttchick)

And then the Hen Do Weekend?  I mean..is it offensive in any way to call women, who are single, hens?  I’m just not thinking that Hen, in anyway, is an attractive or desirable thing.

A stag sounds way more attractive than a hen.  chickstag

Speaking of stags and hens…what would a staghen look like?  This wouldn’t be right because it’s STAGhen…so I’d imagine the stag body would be prevalent…but this artist obviously didn’t think so.

What’s it called when you mix animals anyways?

Oh yeah….Hybrid (no that two different species….)  Things that can really happen like a Liger.

Chimera?

Yes…that’s more like it.  What are some common chimeras?  The mythical creatures.  They are not even remotely close to being in the same Genus or Species that the combination is so unreal….like the staghen.

I have to tell you…I hate the staghen.

I’m going to revolt.  I’m going to come up with my own words for the stag party and the Hen do whatever…..

Honestly….someone was on crack when they decided the word Hen would make someone excited to party.

Well..I suppose if you were on crack then it would make more sense.

Ok…Here’s goes….My ideas for the new Staghen Party.

1. Pacipencap party – The male is the Paci (pacifiers stick out like wieners) and the Pen Cap (convenient hole where Phallic things go).  To top it off…it’s related to babies…which come shortly after that staghen party…OR maybe even on that pacipencap night!

2. Tacodog Bash- This one is self explanatory but worthy of an explanation nonetheless.  The taco…a convenient slot for meat and the dog….which men are sometimes referred to because of their dong.     See what I did there?  You will never look at dogs and tacos the same again will you?

3. Ballzenbitchfest – Now that one might get us in trouble with the ladies….but not if we get them drunk enough!  Imagine how cool the T-shirts will be.

4. OvaTest Night – A little more nerdy and scientific, this one is worthy.  Ovums…my ladies eggs and the Testicles….always tested and productive!   Now that’s a name for a night out of fun.

5. FlagellCerv Evening- Again a little more scientific and perhaps a little more sophisticated. This night is for the more formal night out to celebrate your singlehood.  Flagella (the whip like structure on sperm) and the lovely lacey cervix…(the acceptor of the sperm and the entryway to new life!)

 

There you have it!  5 Better ways to have a party upwards and over the boring old and odd Staghen.

 

Read More

Do Staghen Parties Happen Inside Limousines?

What’s a good way to let your friends know that you are happy for them and excited that their getting married ? What could you possibly do to give them a night they will never forget. Wait pause.

They will never forget this night and they will hate you for it because only the worst things happen to drunks.

Yes that is your answer. Drinks, alcohol, beverages, anything that will make them lose control and not care if they screw up. Be that type of friend. Give them that staghen party where they will wake up and realize that they are only wearing underwear and nothing else.

Nights like these are meant for slander and storytelling. These are the type of stories you’ll tell your kids about because no good story will start off saying “So I had a bowl of salad…”

Nonsense. I’ll tell from square A to square B how these parties really start. Ready?! First of all, you can not mess with a couple who will have a divorce in a year.. Forget them. I’m talking about a couple whose truly in love with each other and have been committed since day one.

Let your boy know that you are going to give him the greatest bachelor party of all time.

All his friends that he has done stupid stuff with in the past will be there as well. Step 2, we need an occasion like this to be a fancy one. Get off your butt, pick up the phone, and book the biggest and nicest limousine that you could get.

This is where the fun begins. Have a clean fancy limo with a bunch of maniacs..this  can only mean one thing. It’s going to be a good night..

Happy friends drinking shots by the dj booth at the nightclub

Now step 3, I applaud you for keeping up with me, but now we are going to turn it up a notch. Pop out the coronas and whiskey! Its pregame time ! “First stop chauffeur the stripper club!” Well my friends it seems were going to have to pay our limo driver even more now because were off course and not even headed to the party anymore.

After getting everything out of your system in the club head back to the limousine and have a drink of water.

What are friends for right? That glass wasn’t water it was vodka. Great now everything really goes downhill, next stop the casino. Along the car ride there pops up 5 beautiful young ladies needing a ride to the Casinos as well, how convenient? Do the drunk men care though? NO.

Literally 5 minutes later everyone is drinking even more and haviing their own party. At this rate the guy whose suppose to get married tomorrow is hooking up with two chicks at the same time, he’s the real MVP.

After the chicks leave the unthinkable happens, everyone has no money in their pockets and their all covered in hickey’s. The soon to be wife shows up and slaps her boyfriend across the face kisses his best friend. That had to leave a mark. So what did we learn here folks?!

I’ll tell you what we learned, we learned that we should let the women get drunk first so we can avoid incidents like this and have a cold one in peace.

Read More